“Have you, as many have, spent your entire life doing what others told you that you should do? You can reset your life and truly live it!”
“‘How do you know about Robert?’ her voice quivered.
‘Your nightmares. You babble, but Robert comes through clear,’ Tom replied. ‘You’re scared to death of that guy!’
The crimson darkness churned inside her, but she closed her eyes, felt it, controlled it and guided it back down into her soul. Asha appeared to her. ‘Release it all. To love, you must share. To defeat the darkness, you must free yourself of it.’
She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She told him about [her life before the Storm]. As if he could sense what was happening, Tony was staring at her. Cold, icy shards raced down her spine as she caught Tony’s eyes. She turned away. . . .
‘Can you keep going?’
She took another deep breath . . . feeling Tom’s warm strength beside her, the spirits inside her, the red energy churning deep, the freezing cold of the rain as well as Tony’s troubling presence. It took several seconds for her to sense it all, feel it all, put each energy, spirit and part of her life in its place, and begin again. . . . She closed her eyes again and stopped. She felt herself gather her spirit allies to control the darkness, but instead of pushing it down, she held it there, right at her consciousness, until she could continue.
She’d never told anyone. She’d kept it all inside, deep inside her. Even the girls knew only a fraction of what she had endured. She spilled it all out to Tom and hoped against hope that it wouldn’t scare him
At some point, you have to pour your demons, secrets, fears and terrors out to someone you trust. You have to get it all out there, cleansing your soul. This allows you to realize that it is all just memories that no longer need to haunt you. When you can do this, you go a long way toward allowing your soul the freedom to follow your path and your path alone, without your personal demons attacking you along the way.
I went to college. I started in political science, but my mother suggested medicine. I changed. Then I found I could not do chemistry, so I changed again. Other things happened, and with the advice of my guidance counselor, I graduated a year late with a bachelor’s degree in psychology because “that is all you can get with the credits you have and graduate by May 1983.”
I worked for my uncle. I worked for my father. Hated both. My friends were in law school. My girlfriend wanted to move to D.C. So I went to law school in D.C. I did fine, ended up marrying and divorcing that
girlfriend, and moved back to St. Louis.
I met another girl, took a job at a prestigious law firm, got married and had children. Loved it all, but none of it was my decision. Of course, ultimately it was, but my mom wanted grandkids. Lisa was nice and ended up being a great mother. I changed jobs and joined my best friend’s law firm. Became a partner. Next step, next step.
My brother and I started a company. I did it because I needed out of law, which I’d come to hate. A failed business. Another divorce. A next job with another good friend. Blah, blah, blah. Follow the bouncing ball.
All along, I wrote. Stories, books, poems, articles, nonfiction, fiction. That I loved, but “it is too hard to make a living doing that,” everyone said, and they could be right, so I did the next thing.
When I hit bottom in 2016, it was time. So I finally listened to my heart of hearts and decided to take this writing thing seriously.